How to Help Children Cope with Anxiety

 Just like adults, children experience anxiety, and some are more prone to it than others.
 
Stressful circumstances – like a big test or conflict at home – may trigger anxiety, or it may be part of a child’s personality to worry. Whatever the cause, it’s important that parents understand anxiety and the strategies that help.
 
What Is Anxiety?
 
Anxiety is defined as, “An emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”

Everyone feels anxiety from time to time, and this emotion is often helpful. It helps us avoid danger, for example, and it drives us to get things done.
 
Too much anxiety, however, has adverse effects. It can cause physical symptoms like shortness of breath and stomachaches, and it can affect our behavior and relationships. Some people experience anxiety so intensely that it’s considered a disorder.
 
Common symptoms of anxiety in children are:

• Agitation, restlessness or inattention
• Tantrums and crying
• Avoiding school, schoolwork or other activities
• Difficulty sleeping
• Perfectionism about school or other activities

 
Why Do Children Experience Anxiety?
 
Often, children have anxiety because of an upsetting experience. This may be something they experienced directly, but could also be something they saw or heard secondhand. It’s beneficial to talk openly with children about upsetting experiences, so they can voice their feelings and sort out their perceptions.
 
Children also may feel anxious about family, friends and schoolwork. (We all worry about difficult projects or negative interactions – the same is true for kids.)
 
By speaking openly about fears and concerns and watching for signs of disordered anxiety, you can help your child develop a healthy approach to worry.
 
How Can I Help?
 
Everyone worries, so it’s important your child feels safe voicing his concerns. Try not to scold your child for worrying or diminish her worries with statements like, “calm down” or “there’s nothing to worry about.” Sometimes, simply talking about anxieties makes them feel more manageable.
 
When your child inevitably worries, here are some responses that help build a healthy outlook:
 

• Face fears: Just like ignoring your child’s anxiety can make it grow, avoiding the things that cause anxiety can feed those worried thoughts. For example, if your child is anxious about school, staying home may make your child’s fears seem even bigger. Talk about what’s making him worried, and brainstorm some constructive solutions.
  
  Remember, there’s not always a solution. Remain supportive, and set realistic expectations. Your child’s situation may not play out how he wants, but the world will keep turning, and you will still love him.
  
  
• Support, don’t enable: While you don’t want to diminish your child’s worries, you also don’t want to feed into them. For example, if your child is afraid of elevators, you can validate her worry without validating the fear itself. Try telling her, “The elevator is safe. I know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”
  
  Similarly, if your child is afraid of something, your concern over her emotions may read as validation of the fear. If she’s afraid of spiders, for instance, don’t rush to get her away from them. Your worry enforces the idea that spiders are frightening.
  
  
• Take a back seat: When it’s time to talk about worries, let your child lead the conversation. Instead of asking, “Are you worried about soccer?” try asking, “How do you feel about soccer?” This way, you don’t suggest to your child that she should be worried.
  
  
• Make a plan: Talking through new or stressful situations ahead of time helps children cope with anxious thoughts. If your child is afraid of flying on a plane, talk through each step you’ll go through at the airport. If he’s afraid that a friend is angry with him, talk about what he could do if that were true. Would his friend likely forgive him? Has he ever forgiven someone?

 
In all of this, your priority should be to help your child find ways to manage and tolerate anxiety. Worry never goes away, but if we continue to engage with the things that frighten us, it decreases with time.

If your child's anxiety develops physical symptoms or impedes her ability to do normal things, visit your family doctor. Children do not "grow out" of disordered anxiety, so it's important they receive appropriate treatment.
 
At iLearn Academy, we create personalized learning plans based on each student’s individual needs. If your child needs help managing anxiety about school or homework, our expert instructors can help him catch up, find strategies and build confidence. For more information, check out our curriculum.